The Place I Found Myself

I have been to a place that was beautiful

Where I discovered, I hoped, I dreamed

My whole being was immersed

In all the splendor around me

Sailing across an ocean of awe

Carrying me far from home

A place where beauty is determined by character

Not by standards

No one was the judge of me

Even I lost that power

And God took my hand

Led me to His creation

Guiding me through the walls of this town

And all the way He spoke of beauty

What it really means

While we made the last step He turned to me and said

How much He loved me

How much He adored me

And told me I was beautiful

And I believed Him.

Have You Seen...?

Sometimes you just feel lost. Like there is an empty cavern housing itself inside of you. You feel like there is something missing. Why does your heart feel so out of place? And why is your mind never in the same moment as you?

What makes us lost? Where do we get this crazy belief? I do not have those answers. All I know is that that is how I feel. Lost. Like there is no one to claim me. Like I was forgotten at baggage claim and my owner will never come back. I am not filled with important things anyway, so what's the use in carrying around a piece of luggage that really has no value to you regardless.

This is a moment of rarity. I usually don't feel like this. But every once in a while it creeps up and hits me. That maybe I am really alone. Not really, because I always have God. But that here in earth, I am alone. Just fending for me and that everyone else just walks past me and doesn't even see my sad little wave as they walk on by.

Sleepless in Wenham

Orientation is insane, that is for sure. I have been through a week of training and now I have my group of kids that I get to watch over and guide through the first initial days and weeks of the college life. It is overwhelming and all volunteer work. And I love it. I have met so many great people and I have gained a lot of confidence about meeting new people and being outgoing. I am somewhat shy and timid, but orientation has made me step out of that comfort zone. There are many things that would have bothered me before that don't bother me anymore. I am able to do anything!

Just thought I would say that and how much I am enjoying this experience and this opportunity to serve God in such a servant-like position. This is what God called me to do... be a servant to Him and His people. And I will do it until the day I die.

Wisdom

Volumes and volumes

They are barely used anymore

Precious books with gallant tales

Unlocked doors with the keys inside

Treasures for the wisdom they hold

Wisdom our mouths could never tell

Whispers our ears could never hear

Do not tell me what they say

For they speak for themselves

Our words cannot trap theirs

And neither can our interpretations

We gather them like gold

Stowing them away like secrets

Even though all we ever needed

Is all they contain

How the world should be turning

As opposed to it's modern day spiral

~ ECD

Vintage People

All the vintage people

Peeking behind sterile eyes

In their brown tattered photos

Still as can be

Waiting

They wait for the light to flash

Sighing in relief that their time has come

To be trapped in time

For just a moment

To be caught in eternal life

Framed, for generations to see

Their vintage selves

Amidst the fabrics of space

~ ECD

Time

So I guess time really does make a difference in the case of some things. When in the middle of something we always think we are in the best or worst of times. But honestly, is it really that bad?

We move on, we get over things, we put our past behind us. We learn. We mature. We grow. Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that and sometimes we want to deny it. Growing up seems scary, but everyone has to do it at some point. You don't want to be the one everyone is saying never matured in their life.

Everyone has their vices and everyone has their strengths. We all just need to learn how to use them to our benefit. God made us all with an intention and our lives consist of us trying to get that intention to come out. We want to glorify Him through our short time here.

I know that in my life there have been things that would have been better left out. However, these events have made me strong and have made me tough. I know I can take anything thrown at me, even if in the moment I don't believe that. I conquered my fears.

Truth and the Lies that hide inbetween

Isn't it funny how music brings out raw emotion and the feelings you want to express but can't? I am always amazed at how truthful music is and how I always seem to relate to it in an intense way. Like, an artist can sing one line and it describes an entire emotion for me. I want to reach into my speakers, grab them, and pull them back with me. I want them to tell me exactly what they meant and how the heck did they get so smart that they know all this stuff???

One singer that I find especially blunt with his lyrics is Jonny Craig. Now, what's funny about this whole thing is that Sir Craig is not a Christian, and I am. Non-Christians don't bother me at all, but it's funny that maybe I would find some inklings of inspiration from someone with completely different beliefs than me. But his songs are honest and they speak the truth about certain things that we encounter everyday. He makes my soul crave more from God and from my own self. He makes me want to discover more about life and how to deal with certain situations, people, events, etc. I hear his voice and I'm locked in, hooked, can't get out.

Whoever decided to publish Donald Miller was a genius. I am currently reading his book Searching for God Knows What and I am constantly finding myself agreeing with all of his theories and evaluations of society. We feed ourselves lies about a lifeboat where we are all trying to get a spot in the lifeboat. We all want to be important enough to get a spot in this stupid boat. Everything we do is for the approval of others. How pathetic is that? But, because of the Fall and our lack of knowledge of how much God loves us and yada yada yada, we seek all this approval from people... who are just like us... and have no greater importance than us. We starve for attention and smiles from our peers when it really doesn't matter.

We think that the truth is that we should be on our best behavior for everyone else. But that is also the lie. God is the only one we need to perform for.

But why perform? Why not just do? Why can't we just do what we do because that is what we are good at or what we enjoy or whatever. God made us all a certain way because that is the best way we function. That is our calling, that is our mode.

Maybe we should look in between the silly lines we form and see what really lies inside. What do we really want to see and what do we really believe.

Did anyone ever think of the people who would sacrifice themselves in the lifeboat? The people who were selfless and never really cared about the lifeboat at all? What are these people doing in their everyday life that makes them the brave ones?

So many things to think. So many things to put into perspective.