Time

So I guess time really does make a difference in the case of some things. When in the middle of something we always think we are in the best or worst of times. But honestly, is it really that bad?

We move on, we get over things, we put our past behind us. We learn. We mature. We grow. Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that and sometimes we want to deny it. Growing up seems scary, but everyone has to do it at some point. You don't want to be the one everyone is saying never matured in their life.

Everyone has their vices and everyone has their strengths. We all just need to learn how to use them to our benefit. God made us all with an intention and our lives consist of us trying to get that intention to come out. We want to glorify Him through our short time here.

I know that in my life there have been things that would have been better left out. However, these events have made me strong and have made me tough. I know I can take anything thrown at me, even if in the moment I don't believe that. I conquered my fears.

Truth and the Lies that hide inbetween

Isn't it funny how music brings out raw emotion and the feelings you want to express but can't? I am always amazed at how truthful music is and how I always seem to relate to it in an intense way. Like, an artist can sing one line and it describes an entire emotion for me. I want to reach into my speakers, grab them, and pull them back with me. I want them to tell me exactly what they meant and how the heck did they get so smart that they know all this stuff???

One singer that I find especially blunt with his lyrics is Jonny Craig. Now, what's funny about this whole thing is that Sir Craig is not a Christian, and I am. Non-Christians don't bother me at all, but it's funny that maybe I would find some inklings of inspiration from someone with completely different beliefs than me. But his songs are honest and they speak the truth about certain things that we encounter everyday. He makes my soul crave more from God and from my own self. He makes me want to discover more about life and how to deal with certain situations, people, events, etc. I hear his voice and I'm locked in, hooked, can't get out.

Whoever decided to publish Donald Miller was a genius. I am currently reading his book Searching for God Knows What and I am constantly finding myself agreeing with all of his theories and evaluations of society. We feed ourselves lies about a lifeboat where we are all trying to get a spot in the lifeboat. We all want to be important enough to get a spot in this stupid boat. Everything we do is for the approval of others. How pathetic is that? But, because of the Fall and our lack of knowledge of how much God loves us and yada yada yada, we seek all this approval from people... who are just like us... and have no greater importance than us. We starve for attention and smiles from our peers when it really doesn't matter.

We think that the truth is that we should be on our best behavior for everyone else. But that is also the lie. God is the only one we need to perform for.

But why perform? Why not just do? Why can't we just do what we do because that is what we are good at or what we enjoy or whatever. God made us all a certain way because that is the best way we function. That is our calling, that is our mode.

Maybe we should look in between the silly lines we form and see what really lies inside. What do we really want to see and what do we really believe.

Did anyone ever think of the people who would sacrifice themselves in the lifeboat? The people who were selfless and never really cared about the lifeboat at all? What are these people doing in their everyday life that makes them the brave ones?

So many things to think. So many things to put into perspective.

Blindside

I just finished watching the Blindside for the first time and absolutely loved it!! Sandra Bullock is such an amazing actress and the story was so beautiful. Watching the tale of Michael unfold was breathtaking and only made me even more determined to work in missions when I graduate.

As I have previously mentioned, I led a missions trip to Mississippi through my school this past spring break to the organization In His Steps Ministries. They help the surrounding area of Canton, MS and try to provide a faith-based vocation and work ethic. I was honored and blessed to get to know the people that I did and God truly showed me His glory through the new friends that I met. If I could go back tomorrow, I would not hesitate to say yes.

Watching the Blindside reminded me of what I saw in Mississippi and the feeling I got as we drove through the Saw Mill Quarters, which is a poverty stricken area in Canton full of violence, addiction, and negativity. My heart beat through my rib cage and ripped out of my chest at the sight of people sitting on their porches or crowding around street corners. God left His mark on me that day and I will never be the same. Watching this movie only reminded me once again of the gapping hole in my chest, reminding me that my blood was pouring out for these people. I could not gasp enough, I could not stop the bleeding, it was like the love could not be held back. I left a part of my heart in Mississippi and I count the days until I can return.

Missions is not just a phase sort of thing that I am interested in for the moment. This is a lifestyle and I want to live it. I want to give all I have to all the people I can. Sandra Bullock's character reminded me of what it was to be sacrificial and self-less. She was extremely blessed and used her blessings to help Michael in any way she could. She believed in him! She believed in a boy that no one else believed in. And because of her faith, he grew and flourished. I feel as though in Mississippi, some people feel as though there is no hope, there is not way out. But, there is. I believe in the people of Mississippi. I believe that if I can impact at least one person, I have done something right. Just by belief alone, one can move mountains. The people of Mississippi can escape the cycle they find themselves in. They can break free.

What I want to share is compassion. Compassion is not easy and compassion is not always pretty. But compassion is strong and compassion is tough. It looks a challenge in the face and accepts, no matter what. Compassion drives us to do crazy things. Compassion is LOVE.

We must love the people we do not know. We must care for those that do not know what we do. There is always hope and there is always a better way. I love Mississippi because I have so much hope for it. Any area that is looked down upon, I have hope for. Where others see disaster, I see beauty. I am blessed to go down to Mississippi. And I am blessed for all I have. I want to share what good gifts God has given me and build up what everyone else wants to tear down.

I see the beauty in negative spaces and oh, it is glorious.

Ball and Chains

I am beginning to realize that I miss Assisi a lot. I miss the carefree culture and the simple way of life. I never used my cell phone... I mean, I really couldn't because it isn't compatible internationally. But I really enjoyed being away from my phone! It was nice to not be constantly checking it and seeing if anyone left me a message or I missed a call. I felt so free and open. No chains could bind me down to... people?

Now I have a new phone and once again, it is right by my side like a faithful companion. Only problem is that I really do not do well with this faithful companion. It's clingy. I can't really deal with that all the time. I have to be independent and free, not attached to my phone.

I used to neglect my phone actually. My manager at my first job would try and call me to let me know about my shifts and I always seemed to have my phone somewhere else. Now that I'm in college though, I always seem to need my phone on me just in case. I mean, I am the one with the car. You never know when someone is going to need a Starbucks run. And in that case, I am not one to argue. That means it's serious.

We are so dependent of technology in America. In Italy I did not feel that pressure to be constantly checking my facebook, email, phone, etc. Ugh... way to much. I got to it when I got to it, no questions asked. Italy was a place to free fall. I could just BE. I could just absorb the culture and soak in the beauty without my phone interrupting me. How fantastic it felt. I do miss Assisi, Rome, Italy in general. And I am going to go back someday. There is no doubt. I love it and a piece of my heart will always belong there. I fell in love the moment I got into Assisi. Absolute love. America is my house, but Italy is my home.

Just a Day, Just an Ordinary Day

Again, it is just another day in Assisi, getting all my work done and hanging out with my friends. I am still thoroughly enjoying it here and will be sad when I have to leave in a few days. But for now, I am going to make the most of it!

My work has been slightly draining and I am having a hard time with some of it. Not because it is academically hard, more just topically hard. My emotions are getting involved and I really need to try and control that better. I do not want to get attached because then I will get unhappy, which is just a shame. This summer is going to be a lot of fun and I do not want to feel sad for all of it.

This trip has certainly taught me a lot about journalism so far. Do not get too attached, because then you can't help but get "involved." It's much easier to take yourself out of the picture and simply fade into the background... then again, I think I'm pretty good at doing that anyway.

Well, here's to another day in Assisi. As hard as it is, I want to come back and I want to explore more and live more. I want to be free.

Finding Beauty in Painted Glass

Today was just another day in Assisi. Nothing ground breaking happened, we just did our normal thing. We had a lecture and talked about Francis of Assisi then broke for a little to write. Some other girls and I went to the piazza to get a cappuccino and it wasn't until too late that I remembered there is espresso in those buggers. Me and espresso are not good friends. It makes me shaky and nervous and way too hyper. So the whole day I have been hopped up on espresso... it's amusing for my friends I guess, haha.

I turned in my article for my local artist today as well as my blurb. I got a good amount done, which was nice. After my work, I uploaded some pictures on Facebook and the exporter was being silly. Then I went out with two of the boys and met up with our chaperone. Overall, it was a chill and relaxing night. Nothing too out of the ordinary happened. It was just another beautiful day in Assisi!

Rome... So Many Memories

May 23, 2010

The past couple of days have been so crazy! Friday we took the train to Orvieto to visit the Gordon students who are studying abroad there. It was so beautiful there and it was certainly perfect for an art student to go study there. We got to see the Il Duomo, which is a huge church that was built between 1290 and 1320. It was so gorgeous and huge! It was amazing to think that the people back then could build something like that. The ornate carvings on the side depicted the story of Creation from Genesis. The interior was equally as massive and had amazing stained glass artwork as well as many of the panels of window made of alabaster. It was incredible to be standing in such a master-piece.

That night we left for Rome from Orvieto around 5 and took the train. We got to Rome and went to find our hostel. I had never stayed in a hostel before and I was nervous about staying there. It was called Ciao Bella and we had to search all over two streets for the place! It took us a good while until we finally found it. It was inconspicuous because there was no sign, just the name on the door buzzer. We were so relieved when we finally did find it and luckily we were all put in the same room. I was pretty nervous throughout the whole ordeal, but luckily we were safe because our group was so large.

Since we found the hostel at 9, many of us were ready for dinner. We went to a sweet little restaurant and I got this really good pasta dish with bacon in it. Everyone was ready to go sightseeing after dinner, so we went to the Trevi Fountain, because we heard it was more spectacular at night. It really was lovely with the light playing off the water and the statues. It was quite impressive and I was taking about a billion pictures. After Trevi, we ventured over to the Pantheon , which was also quite spectacular. I'm amazed at just how large all of these ancient buildings are. I stood in front of the door of the Pantheon and was so tiny compared to it. I could not get over how massive it is.

On the way back we were walking back to where the hostel was and four American boys came up to us, drunk, and asked if we had any weed. We all looked at each other in disbelief and said no. They then asked us where we were from and we said Boston. They told us they were from Canada and then used some obscenities to describe poor Canada. We saw them again fifteen minutes later and one stood next to me and he reeked of beer. I was so disgusted. We had, at this point, gotten lost and they asked how to get somewhere. My friend, Ricky, laughed because we were lost and sober and we knew they'd never find what they were looking for drunk.

We got back to the hostel after being lost for about an hour and by then everyone was done. We got ready for bed and went to sleep around 2 am. At about 3 or 4 in the morning we were all awoken by loud banging on a door down the hall. A drunk guy lost his key and decided to banging on the door every five minutes for the next hour. Ricky and Danny were going to go yell at him but on the off chance that he was dangerous, they decided against it.

So after an awful night's sleep, we got up at 8:30 am and got ready for, again, another busy day. At the hostel we met a guy, Adam, from North Carolina and he was by himself, so we asked if he wanted to join us around Rome. He agreed and was really nice and chatty with us.

We started the day with the Vatican and that was really beautiful. There were so many different statues around it. We only stood in the outdoor part of it, but it was still impressive. I was amazed at how vast it is. All of these monuments are so large and amazing. It's a tragedy that buildings aren't made like that anymore.

After the Vatican, we went to the Colosseum, which was really impressive. It was so large and old, but really something. I went inside with Ashley, Adam, Danny, and Ricky and took a ton of pictures... of course. I was amazed at the maze at the bottom of it. We were all amazed at how many people would have fit inside of it. It was just so massive!

On the way over, we saw the Roman Forum, which was cool. It looked like a graveyard for Roman ruins. There were all these huge chunks of ornately carved pieces laying everywhere.

At 4:30pm we left to catch our train that was around 5:45 pm, only to learn that the direct train back to Perugia was not running on Saturdays. We ended up leaving at 6:43 pm on a train to Florence and then catching another that would take us to Assisi. The train to Florence took three hours and the Assisi train took just one. It was so exciting to see Assisi all lit up from the train and we all got up, ready to catch the bus that would be arriving one minute after the train stopped. So we booked it off the train and ran to the exit. But, the train stop looked different from the one from the day before... because we got off a stop early. We couldn't get back on in time and had to walk back to Assisi. It was quite the walk and a kind elderly woman gave us directions on how to get back as well as an address to a hostel, in case we couldn't walk anymore. We were told to walk to a large church and go left. While we walked there were tons of cars going by and honking and waving flags because the Italian soccer team won against Madrid in Madrid. We waved a t-shirt and yelled "coucho," which means "soccer" in Italian.

After the church we got to a tunnel that cars drove through and we were confused about what to do. We thought it was to unsafe to walk through so we went to find a different route, until Ricky stopped a taxi van. We were so thankful and we split into two taxi vans to go back to Assisi. We were so happy to have gotten in them and that we didn't have to walk anymore.

We got back to CEFID safely and happy about our successful trip. Through all the stress and multiple times we got lost, we still had a good time and saw a lot of Rome. I bonded a lot with my peers and we all enjoyed ourselves. We now have many great laughs and memories with each other, which is the most important thing.

Ciao!