Leadership and Serving

What does it mean to be a leader? To have power and brawn? To be in charge of it all and take everything on your shoulders so that the people around you will admire you for your abilities?

Leadership is none of those things. It is a position of servanthood, a position to give. A leader sacrifices themselves for the people they work with and for. You take on the job of getting dirty and losing yourself a bit for the good of others.

I have learned these things in my experience as a leader and it is a humbling fact that I am not in a place to be powerful, but to be at the bottom. I have to take on the things no one else does through my leadership and I love it. I give to others and share with them what I can. Through servanthood and letting others shine, I get to sit back and smile, knowing that I have helped someone else gain. I am not the face of what I do, Christ is. Christ gave me this desire and He gave me these loves and I am thankful. Being a leader in Christ puts a certain tone to leadership and I am able to stand back and know whom I am serving. I do not serve myself. That would be boring.

I serve my God and I serve His people. I give because I am called to and I love it. There is nothing like the joy of giving and nothing like the joy of serving.

Clarity

Friends... Here is my advice to you. Talk to people. Talk. Words are so powerful and they alleviate all of the unseen things in relationships. If you think a friendship is in shambles, talk and figure things out. Chances are the relationship is actually quite fine and you are both undergoing a lot of stress. Life happens and people get crazy busy with all the demands surrounding us, especially in college. We have commitments and other pressures that just hone in on our heads until eventually, as I said last night, "my brain is just going to explode all over the wall!!"

Now that really won't happen, but it is a good way of relieving initial stress that keeps building up. Get a little frustrated. Get a little mad. It's healthy. Then just calmly talk. How beautiful a friendship becomes when you talk and things get solved.

Hugs at the end are also always welcome :)

The Place I Found Myself

I have been to a place that was beautiful

Where I discovered, I hoped, I dreamed

My whole being was immersed

In all the splendor around me

Sailing across an ocean of awe

Carrying me far from home

A place where beauty is determined by character

Not by standards

No one was the judge of me

Even I lost that power

And God took my hand

Led me to His creation

Guiding me through the walls of this town

And all the way He spoke of beauty

What it really means

While we made the last step He turned to me and said

How much He loved me

How much He adored me

And told me I was beautiful

And I believed Him.

Have You Seen...?

Sometimes you just feel lost. Like there is an empty cavern housing itself inside of you. You feel like there is something missing. Why does your heart feel so out of place? And why is your mind never in the same moment as you?

What makes us lost? Where do we get this crazy belief? I do not have those answers. All I know is that that is how I feel. Lost. Like there is no one to claim me. Like I was forgotten at baggage claim and my owner will never come back. I am not filled with important things anyway, so what's the use in carrying around a piece of luggage that really has no value to you regardless.

This is a moment of rarity. I usually don't feel like this. But every once in a while it creeps up and hits me. That maybe I am really alone. Not really, because I always have God. But that here in earth, I am alone. Just fending for me and that everyone else just walks past me and doesn't even see my sad little wave as they walk on by.

Sleepless in Wenham

Orientation is insane, that is for sure. I have been through a week of training and now I have my group of kids that I get to watch over and guide through the first initial days and weeks of the college life. It is overwhelming and all volunteer work. And I love it. I have met so many great people and I have gained a lot of confidence about meeting new people and being outgoing. I am somewhat shy and timid, but orientation has made me step out of that comfort zone. There are many things that would have bothered me before that don't bother me anymore. I am able to do anything!

Just thought I would say that and how much I am enjoying this experience and this opportunity to serve God in such a servant-like position. This is what God called me to do... be a servant to Him and His people. And I will do it until the day I die.

Wisdom

Volumes and volumes

They are barely used anymore

Precious books with gallant tales

Unlocked doors with the keys inside

Treasures for the wisdom they hold

Wisdom our mouths could never tell

Whispers our ears could never hear

Do not tell me what they say

For they speak for themselves

Our words cannot trap theirs

And neither can our interpretations

We gather them like gold

Stowing them away like secrets

Even though all we ever needed

Is all they contain

How the world should be turning

As opposed to it's modern day spiral

~ ECD

Vintage People

All the vintage people

Peeking behind sterile eyes

In their brown tattered photos

Still as can be

Waiting

They wait for the light to flash

Sighing in relief that their time has come

To be trapped in time

For just a moment

To be caught in eternal life

Framed, for generations to see

Their vintage selves

Amidst the fabrics of space

~ ECD

Time

So I guess time really does make a difference in the case of some things. When in the middle of something we always think we are in the best or worst of times. But honestly, is it really that bad?

We move on, we get over things, we put our past behind us. We learn. We mature. We grow. Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that and sometimes we want to deny it. Growing up seems scary, but everyone has to do it at some point. You don't want to be the one everyone is saying never matured in their life.

Everyone has their vices and everyone has their strengths. We all just need to learn how to use them to our benefit. God made us all with an intention and our lives consist of us trying to get that intention to come out. We want to glorify Him through our short time here.

I know that in my life there have been things that would have been better left out. However, these events have made me strong and have made me tough. I know I can take anything thrown at me, even if in the moment I don't believe that. I conquered my fears.

Truth and the Lies that hide inbetween

Isn't it funny how music brings out raw emotion and the feelings you want to express but can't? I am always amazed at how truthful music is and how I always seem to relate to it in an intense way. Like, an artist can sing one line and it describes an entire emotion for me. I want to reach into my speakers, grab them, and pull them back with me. I want them to tell me exactly what they meant and how the heck did they get so smart that they know all this stuff???

One singer that I find especially blunt with his lyrics is Jonny Craig. Now, what's funny about this whole thing is that Sir Craig is not a Christian, and I am. Non-Christians don't bother me at all, but it's funny that maybe I would find some inklings of inspiration from someone with completely different beliefs than me. But his songs are honest and they speak the truth about certain things that we encounter everyday. He makes my soul crave more from God and from my own self. He makes me want to discover more about life and how to deal with certain situations, people, events, etc. I hear his voice and I'm locked in, hooked, can't get out.

Whoever decided to publish Donald Miller was a genius. I am currently reading his book Searching for God Knows What and I am constantly finding myself agreeing with all of his theories and evaluations of society. We feed ourselves lies about a lifeboat where we are all trying to get a spot in the lifeboat. We all want to be important enough to get a spot in this stupid boat. Everything we do is for the approval of others. How pathetic is that? But, because of the Fall and our lack of knowledge of how much God loves us and yada yada yada, we seek all this approval from people... who are just like us... and have no greater importance than us. We starve for attention and smiles from our peers when it really doesn't matter.

We think that the truth is that we should be on our best behavior for everyone else. But that is also the lie. God is the only one we need to perform for.

But why perform? Why not just do? Why can't we just do what we do because that is what we are good at or what we enjoy or whatever. God made us all a certain way because that is the best way we function. That is our calling, that is our mode.

Maybe we should look in between the silly lines we form and see what really lies inside. What do we really want to see and what do we really believe.

Did anyone ever think of the people who would sacrifice themselves in the lifeboat? The people who were selfless and never really cared about the lifeboat at all? What are these people doing in their everyday life that makes them the brave ones?

So many things to think. So many things to put into perspective.

Blindside

I just finished watching the Blindside for the first time and absolutely loved it!! Sandra Bullock is such an amazing actress and the story was so beautiful. Watching the tale of Michael unfold was breathtaking and only made me even more determined to work in missions when I graduate.

As I have previously mentioned, I led a missions trip to Mississippi through my school this past spring break to the organization In His Steps Ministries. They help the surrounding area of Canton, MS and try to provide a faith-based vocation and work ethic. I was honored and blessed to get to know the people that I did and God truly showed me His glory through the new friends that I met. If I could go back tomorrow, I would not hesitate to say yes.

Watching the Blindside reminded me of what I saw in Mississippi and the feeling I got as we drove through the Saw Mill Quarters, which is a poverty stricken area in Canton full of violence, addiction, and negativity. My heart beat through my rib cage and ripped out of my chest at the sight of people sitting on their porches or crowding around street corners. God left His mark on me that day and I will never be the same. Watching this movie only reminded me once again of the gapping hole in my chest, reminding me that my blood was pouring out for these people. I could not gasp enough, I could not stop the bleeding, it was like the love could not be held back. I left a part of my heart in Mississippi and I count the days until I can return.

Missions is not just a phase sort of thing that I am interested in for the moment. This is a lifestyle and I want to live it. I want to give all I have to all the people I can. Sandra Bullock's character reminded me of what it was to be sacrificial and self-less. She was extremely blessed and used her blessings to help Michael in any way she could. She believed in him! She believed in a boy that no one else believed in. And because of her faith, he grew and flourished. I feel as though in Mississippi, some people feel as though there is no hope, there is not way out. But, there is. I believe in the people of Mississippi. I believe that if I can impact at least one person, I have done something right. Just by belief alone, one can move mountains. The people of Mississippi can escape the cycle they find themselves in. They can break free.

What I want to share is compassion. Compassion is not easy and compassion is not always pretty. But compassion is strong and compassion is tough. It looks a challenge in the face and accepts, no matter what. Compassion drives us to do crazy things. Compassion is LOVE.

We must love the people we do not know. We must care for those that do not know what we do. There is always hope and there is always a better way. I love Mississippi because I have so much hope for it. Any area that is looked down upon, I have hope for. Where others see disaster, I see beauty. I am blessed to go down to Mississippi. And I am blessed for all I have. I want to share what good gifts God has given me and build up what everyone else wants to tear down.

I see the beauty in negative spaces and oh, it is glorious.

Ball and Chains

I am beginning to realize that I miss Assisi a lot. I miss the carefree culture and the simple way of life. I never used my cell phone... I mean, I really couldn't because it isn't compatible internationally. But I really enjoyed being away from my phone! It was nice to not be constantly checking it and seeing if anyone left me a message or I missed a call. I felt so free and open. No chains could bind me down to... people?

Now I have a new phone and once again, it is right by my side like a faithful companion. Only problem is that I really do not do well with this faithful companion. It's clingy. I can't really deal with that all the time. I have to be independent and free, not attached to my phone.

I used to neglect my phone actually. My manager at my first job would try and call me to let me know about my shifts and I always seemed to have my phone somewhere else. Now that I'm in college though, I always seem to need my phone on me just in case. I mean, I am the one with the car. You never know when someone is going to need a Starbucks run. And in that case, I am not one to argue. That means it's serious.

We are so dependent of technology in America. In Italy I did not feel that pressure to be constantly checking my facebook, email, phone, etc. Ugh... way to much. I got to it when I got to it, no questions asked. Italy was a place to free fall. I could just BE. I could just absorb the culture and soak in the beauty without my phone interrupting me. How fantastic it felt. I do miss Assisi, Rome, Italy in general. And I am going to go back someday. There is no doubt. I love it and a piece of my heart will always belong there. I fell in love the moment I got into Assisi. Absolute love. America is my house, but Italy is my home.

Just a Day, Just an Ordinary Day

Again, it is just another day in Assisi, getting all my work done and hanging out with my friends. I am still thoroughly enjoying it here and will be sad when I have to leave in a few days. But for now, I am going to make the most of it!

My work has been slightly draining and I am having a hard time with some of it. Not because it is academically hard, more just topically hard. My emotions are getting involved and I really need to try and control that better. I do not want to get attached because then I will get unhappy, which is just a shame. This summer is going to be a lot of fun and I do not want to feel sad for all of it.

This trip has certainly taught me a lot about journalism so far. Do not get too attached, because then you can't help but get "involved." It's much easier to take yourself out of the picture and simply fade into the background... then again, I think I'm pretty good at doing that anyway.

Well, here's to another day in Assisi. As hard as it is, I want to come back and I want to explore more and live more. I want to be free.

Finding Beauty in Painted Glass

Today was just another day in Assisi. Nothing ground breaking happened, we just did our normal thing. We had a lecture and talked about Francis of Assisi then broke for a little to write. Some other girls and I went to the piazza to get a cappuccino and it wasn't until too late that I remembered there is espresso in those buggers. Me and espresso are not good friends. It makes me shaky and nervous and way too hyper. So the whole day I have been hopped up on espresso... it's amusing for my friends I guess, haha.

I turned in my article for my local artist today as well as my blurb. I got a good amount done, which was nice. After my work, I uploaded some pictures on Facebook and the exporter was being silly. Then I went out with two of the boys and met up with our chaperone. Overall, it was a chill and relaxing night. Nothing too out of the ordinary happened. It was just another beautiful day in Assisi!

Rome... So Many Memories

May 23, 2010

The past couple of days have been so crazy! Friday we took the train to Orvieto to visit the Gordon students who are studying abroad there. It was so beautiful there and it was certainly perfect for an art student to go study there. We got to see the Il Duomo, which is a huge church that was built between 1290 and 1320. It was so gorgeous and huge! It was amazing to think that the people back then could build something like that. The ornate carvings on the side depicted the story of Creation from Genesis. The interior was equally as massive and had amazing stained glass artwork as well as many of the panels of window made of alabaster. It was incredible to be standing in such a master-piece.

That night we left for Rome from Orvieto around 5 and took the train. We got to Rome and went to find our hostel. I had never stayed in a hostel before and I was nervous about staying there. It was called Ciao Bella and we had to search all over two streets for the place! It took us a good while until we finally found it. It was inconspicuous because there was no sign, just the name on the door buzzer. We were so relieved when we finally did find it and luckily we were all put in the same room. I was pretty nervous throughout the whole ordeal, but luckily we were safe because our group was so large.

Since we found the hostel at 9, many of us were ready for dinner. We went to a sweet little restaurant and I got this really good pasta dish with bacon in it. Everyone was ready to go sightseeing after dinner, so we went to the Trevi Fountain, because we heard it was more spectacular at night. It really was lovely with the light playing off the water and the statues. It was quite impressive and I was taking about a billion pictures. After Trevi, we ventured over to the Pantheon , which was also quite spectacular. I'm amazed at just how large all of these ancient buildings are. I stood in front of the door of the Pantheon and was so tiny compared to it. I could not get over how massive it is.

On the way back we were walking back to where the hostel was and four American boys came up to us, drunk, and asked if we had any weed. We all looked at each other in disbelief and said no. They then asked us where we were from and we said Boston. They told us they were from Canada and then used some obscenities to describe poor Canada. We saw them again fifteen minutes later and one stood next to me and he reeked of beer. I was so disgusted. We had, at this point, gotten lost and they asked how to get somewhere. My friend, Ricky, laughed because we were lost and sober and we knew they'd never find what they were looking for drunk.

We got back to the hostel after being lost for about an hour and by then everyone was done. We got ready for bed and went to sleep around 2 am. At about 3 or 4 in the morning we were all awoken by loud banging on a door down the hall. A drunk guy lost his key and decided to banging on the door every five minutes for the next hour. Ricky and Danny were going to go yell at him but on the off chance that he was dangerous, they decided against it.

So after an awful night's sleep, we got up at 8:30 am and got ready for, again, another busy day. At the hostel we met a guy, Adam, from North Carolina and he was by himself, so we asked if he wanted to join us around Rome. He agreed and was really nice and chatty with us.

We started the day with the Vatican and that was really beautiful. There were so many different statues around it. We only stood in the outdoor part of it, but it was still impressive. I was amazed at how vast it is. All of these monuments are so large and amazing. It's a tragedy that buildings aren't made like that anymore.

After the Vatican, we went to the Colosseum, which was really impressive. It was so large and old, but really something. I went inside with Ashley, Adam, Danny, and Ricky and took a ton of pictures... of course. I was amazed at the maze at the bottom of it. We were all amazed at how many people would have fit inside of it. It was just so massive!

On the way over, we saw the Roman Forum, which was cool. It looked like a graveyard for Roman ruins. There were all these huge chunks of ornately carved pieces laying everywhere.

At 4:30pm we left to catch our train that was around 5:45 pm, only to learn that the direct train back to Perugia was not running on Saturdays. We ended up leaving at 6:43 pm on a train to Florence and then catching another that would take us to Assisi. The train to Florence took three hours and the Assisi train took just one. It was so exciting to see Assisi all lit up from the train and we all got up, ready to catch the bus that would be arriving one minute after the train stopped. So we booked it off the train and ran to the exit. But, the train stop looked different from the one from the day before... because we got off a stop early. We couldn't get back on in time and had to walk back to Assisi. It was quite the walk and a kind elderly woman gave us directions on how to get back as well as an address to a hostel, in case we couldn't walk anymore. We were told to walk to a large church and go left. While we walked there were tons of cars going by and honking and waving flags because the Italian soccer team won against Madrid in Madrid. We waved a t-shirt and yelled "coucho," which means "soccer" in Italian.

After the church we got to a tunnel that cars drove through and we were confused about what to do. We thought it was to unsafe to walk through so we went to find a different route, until Ricky stopped a taxi van. We were so thankful and we split into two taxi vans to go back to Assisi. We were so happy to have gotten in them and that we didn't have to walk anymore.

We got back to CEFID safely and happy about our successful trip. Through all the stress and multiple times we got lost, we still had a good time and saw a lot of Rome. I bonded a lot with my peers and we all enjoyed ourselves. We now have many great laughs and memories with each other, which is the most important thing.

Ciao!

Woopsie :)

So... I did the one thing that I was told not to do. I tried to resist... but I just couldn't stop. Everyone told me "no," but I snuck behind their backs.

Do you want to know what I did? It truly was horrible...

I bought a handbag...

Haha, no it's okay. My mother jokes with me about my habit of buying handbags wherever I go. Before this trip, she told me I couldn't get a bag, but it was a joke... I hope.

It is a really cute bag though. And it's so versatile! It's a blue floral with two leather handles and an across the body strap. It's so pretty and I'm really glad I got it. It's quite unique.

It was nice to go shopping with all the girls and getting to know them.

Overall it was a good day!

Artwork of Assisi #2

I just got back (not really, it was yesterday) from my interview with Massimo Cruciani and it went so well! He was great at answering all my questions and he gave me a great deal of information. I got to ask him all the questions from the interview as well as some extra questions. Most of the questions, Claire asked, which was good because I'm not very good at askig questions. Massimo was very interesting and I was really pleased with how easy it was to talk to him. He was certainly very Italian and he was originally from Rome. That was a really nice connection for me because of my Italian family being from Rome. He, at first, was a photographer when he was young, but the men he worked with or for stole all of his work. He lived in so many places and all for art. It was incredible being in his presence in such a relaxed way. He looked like an artist but he was very unassuming as a world known artist who has studios in six or seven places around the world. His work is incredible - all hand painted glass. They are so unique and of the most beautiful things. He ended up giving Claire and I two posters each of his work, which was so generous of him, since they were about eight euros a piece. Overall, we had a great interview and we made a new friend in Assisi!

Now I get to transcribe the interview and type out a rough draft. How exciting!

Artwork of Assisi

[Yesterday] I left to go interview Massimo Cruciani, a local glass artist in Assisi. I'm really excited to interview him and learn about the art of working with glass. It seems so intriguing. I had to find his studio today with Danny because Wendy had to go help someone else but she did not want me to go alone. At first we couldn't find it, but after asking for directions we did. We got a glimpse of his artwork and it was all so beautiful. So I am really excited to interview him and get some pictures of the studio.

[Yesterday's] weather has been dreary and rainy. I hope it clears up for tomorrow (aka today haha, and yes today it is sunny). [Two days ago] it was thundering and lightning.

A bunch of us are trying to figure out our plans for the weekend. We want to go to Rome and Florence, but we need to know train schedules and about the hostels. I'm nervous about staying in a hostel, but hopefully it will be fine. It will be a new experience for sure! I'm excited, and I'm going with a large group people. It should be safe and it will certainly be amazing to go and explore Italy. Hopefully I can get some cool souvenirs there. I heard that Florence has a lot of great shops and fun areas around there. I can't wait!

Molto Bella

Assisi still surprises me with all it's beauty. I am currently (I am just a huge liar today... I'm not in my room anymore) sitting in my windowsill looking (well, not now because I'm writing) at the beautiful landscape. The sun isn't even near setting and the sky is already a beautiful shade of periwinkle. The mountains just look like shadows in the background; like guardians to these little towns. There is a large cluster of buildings and homes a slight distance away and I am still unsure of what they are. All I know is that they can probably see Assisi in all it's grandeur up here on it's hill.
The weather is pleasantly beautiful (not anymore, it's thundering) and comfortable (well, now it's wet). And I have no allergies here! The birds always sing (haha, now they are crying) and the mood is always content... (it probably still is). It truly is lovely and I know I won't want to leave this paradise I stumbled upon.
It is amazing how at peace I feel here. After all the stress of school, I thought I would be even more stressed with a four credit class in two weeks. Maybe I already found my Italian-wear. If so, that was easy. This is such an enjoyable place. As I mentioned earlier, we got to see a few of the ancient documents kept in the Francescan library. It was amazing to see those old books, espeically since books were so precious back then. There was an entire collection of the books of the Bible, which was amazing. There were so many and they were so beautiful. The gentleman showing us the books had to wear gloves so as not to damage the paper with the sweat from his fingers. All of this history so close was so intriguing. I could not believe that I was in the presence of such artifacts. Especially an ancient copy of the Bible. I have certainly been getting some good use out of my Italian course! It's exciting to get to know a language and then visit the country and use what you've learned. I am so grateful. Some of the people in the group will ask me how to say certain things and that's always fun. I like helping them speak the language. I'm certainly not fluent, but I can get by.
This trip, so far, is very exciting and I am really glad that I came. I'm really enjoying learning about my culture and the history of Assisi. And I've only been here two days! Imagine what will happen over these next two weeks! I will become a true Italian! What a treasure chest I have come across. Who'd have thought that I would be here now. My eyes have been opened and they are still searching for more beauty, more excitement, and more Italy. I know I will find just that in the days to come and I truly cannot wait.
Buona Sera!
Ciao!

Check it out! I'm Blurbing!!

This is a blurb for my class' Assisi blog at http://ijsa.wordpress.com Check it out to learn more about what we are doing!

I am blown away by this place. Everywhere I look is a new photo, a nwe view, a new beauty. Assisi is gorgeous and so rich in culture and history. Today we got to see some of the ancient texts from the time of Francis. It was incredible to be face to face with a book so valuable and historic.
Yesterday alone I took 250 pictures... I will certainly be getting plenty of use out of my camera! Every turn brings a new picture and it is hard trying to get it all photographed. But I will certainly try!
Assisi is a treasure adn I am truly blessed to be here. It's been two days and I already know that I will come back. Everything here amazes me and I can't wait for the rest of this trip.

Ciao Ragazzi!

Right now, (not really now, because I'm now back at CEFID, but earlier today) we have been given some time to explore Assisi and pick a spot to go and observe an area of Assisi.
I am (was) sitting in one of the main piazzas near a rather large building that I believe is a church that Francis of Assisi preached in front of. It is quite beautiful, just like everything else here. There is a huge mob of people standing under two of it's arches all anxiuosly holding cameras, waiting for the perfect shot. A small water fountain sits in the center sputtering to the pigeons and wide-eyed explorers. Small shops adn cafès border the piazza with their open doors.
The view from this place is captivating with it's eyes set on the landscape and small towns. The mountains create a lovely backdrop to the sprinkled trees amongst the clusters of buildings. Assisi gazes on this treasure from it's hilly home. This truly is a precious place.
Assisi, and just Italy in general, is already so different from the United States. There is so much history here and the new blends in with the old. Each building compliments the next and accentuates the beauty of our ancestors. The use of cars has dwindled due to the narrow roadways that are lucky to fit a mini cooper. Wherever you want to go is within walking distance. The size of everything seems smaller than in America, even if it is more crowded.
This is such a beautiful place and I am so blessed to be here. America does not compare. The history is deep and rich and probing. For example, today we visited the library in town (Biblioteca Sacroconvento) and we were able to look at some ancient documents ranging from the 6th century to the 14th century. They were written in Latin and had gold embedded in some of the pages. We saw a book that was an ancient copy of the book of Maccabees. Then we saw the room that all the library's ancient manuscripts were held and it was incredible to be in the same room as all these extremely old and beautiful books. There was an entire collection of the copies of the books of the Bible!
Italy has so much to offer and so much history that it is hard to imagine all that has already taken place in this country. America really is incredibly young. This trip makes me feel more and more proud of being an Italian-American. My family is from a place of great importance and of great culture. My mind is still spinning at how amazing this trip already is and all that I still have yet to discover!

Oh Hey, I'm in Assisi, Italy!

May 17, 2010

Wow! I am finally in Assisi! There was quite a lot of travel to get here, but it was well worth it. The landscape from the plane was breath-taking and so different from America. On the bus that we took from Rome to Assisi, we saw all these beautiful hills and a few fields of sheep! It was incredible to see all the sweeping slopes of Italy. The houses on the way over looked a lot like the homes I saw in Arizona last summer, which was strange to me, and unexpected. Nonetheless, they are still molto bella!

Upon our arrival, we were greeted with, literally, a city on a hill. Assisi had all these levels and you can work your way up or down, depending on where you want to go. We had to take a bus to get to the top of the city so that we could take our luggage down the slopes instead of up them. And when we got to CEFID, the monastery we are staying at, I was welcomed to my room by a beautiful view of Assisi and the surrounding area. During the day you can see all of the activity down below and at night you can see all the tiny lights. This view is really something.

We got pranzo, (lunch), at a tiny restaurant in the piazza, (main square), and most of us got pizza. Italian pizza is definitely much better than American. (There is so much less grease!) And after pranzo, I got a cioccolato, which was like a hot chocolate... but not at all. It was more like hot pudding and it was great! I couldn't get over how different it was from American hot chocolate! But, regardless, it was good and some of my new friends had a taste of it as well. They enjoyed it too.

As we walked through the city, we were able to see some ancient buildings, such as buildings that were around at the time of Christ! There was even a building from before Christ! (Don't worry, I got pictures.) The buildings that Wendy showed us are from Francis' time, and many were buildings that he had preached in front of or lived in, or were just around during that time period. Many of the buildings, however, look as though they've been around for a while.

After pranzo, we had some free time to get to know the town. A big group of us did some wandering and we got to go up to an old tower. We walked through the back-roads of Assisi and saw some dogs that we barking at us from on top of a roof. At the end of the night we went to a cafe/bar in the main piazza and shared wine. I still don't know if I can get used to that taste, but I will appreciate the cultural aspect of it.

Well, that is all for tonight! Tomorrow we are hitting the ground running with our projects and interviews of the local townspeople. So until, tomorrow, arrevaderci! (sp?)

When Life Give You Lemons... Make Chili

When finals come around, there are two things that happen... freaking out or extreme procrastination. When crunching for an exam, usually people freak out and go into a frenzy that makes them seem more like a demon-child than a human being. Claws come out and it seems as though a steady stream of tears is always upon their faces. Others "chill-lax" and sit back, watching the world stress by. Bliss, some call it.

I have tried to learn to be in the middle, even though at this very moment I am certainly leaning more towards the procrastination end of things. I had a speech and a huge final today and my brain decided to take a mini vacation and peaced around 6:00 pm. And now at almost 9 pm, it is only slightly returning. Hopefully it will come back soon so I can better prepare for this exam tomorrow. I mean, come on, it's the last one! I have to finish strong!

Finals are hell. There is no way around it. Just hell. This campus is like a nervous bubble just waiting to explode all over the place. Once finals are done I will be mentally deteriorating... just kidding. Can't do that! I will be in Italy four days after returning home!

At least that will be fun learning!

So when life gives you lemons... make some freakin chili.

Roads

Sometimes there are things in life that you want really really bad... and many times you do not get this thing that you really want. What many people have trouble with is the fact that these things happen for a reason. You can't always get what you want. That's a fact.

As Americans, we can be pretty selfish beings who always want things to happen the way we expect them to and instantaneously. We want everything at the tips of our fingers ad at our own disposal. There will never be a time when we can get everything just perfect, it doesn't work that way. Nothing can ever be truly perfect and we need to stop trying to obtain this false perfection.

Take the road less traveled. The bumpy, rocky, uneven half-paved, wacky road. Know that whatever choice you make, you can make the most of. If we look at things as impossible right from the get-go just because they aren't the way we wanted them, then we need to stop looking. The things that we see as hard to reach, are! And that is okay! If you work hard enough to make something semi-perfect or workable, it will be worth it. You can get a variation of what you want and the work will pay off and be worth the struggle.

Foot Washing and How to Lead

Have you ever had your feet washed? It is a humbling experience and it takes a lot for someone to get down and do that task. Jesus did it, though, so what is holding us back from getting on our knees and humbling ourselves that way? As a leader, this was all brought to the surface through a conference I just attended for leaders at the college I attend. It was eye opening to realize just what it took to complete this job and what exactly it entailed.

When washing feet, especially back in the days of Christ, it was a grimy, dirty job. The men had dirty feet from all the dust in the area and it was a busy time of year, being Passover. The population was all of a sudden enlarged and needless to say, there was no plumbing... gross. Feet back then were really nasty business and usually the person who had to lowest social standing in the household was to do this odd-job. We also know that Christ should have considered himself of highest standing. However, our daring Lord got down on his knees and humbled himself to the lowliest of tasks... washing the feet of his disciples.

Peter refused at first saying to his Lord that he wanted to switch positions and wash the feet of Jesus instead. Jesus did not accept this and said to him "Unless I wash you, you have no part of me." (John 13:8 NIV) Jesus was the greatest leader of all time and here he is bowing down and cleaning the most unclean part of the body. Jesus goes on to say, "I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." (John 13:15 - 17 NIV)

As a leader of multiple things on campus, I have to humble myself and get on my knees to wash the feet of those I serve. I am not higher than anyone else and I do not have any more worth or importance than the person sitting next to me. Lowering myself to the lowliest of positions should not phase me. I want to emulate Christ in all I do, and I will strive to humble myself as he did. Leading is not always about being the voice of authority. It has to do with sacrifice and being able to set aside what you want and allow yourself to fade into the background. Leading is not glamorous. It is hard work, but most rewarding when done right. When you make yourself lower than you really are, you know what it is to be a leader. When you can humble yourself as Christ did and do the tasks that no one else wants to do, then you know how to be a true leader.

"I won't quit until I know that I've truly tried"

This year I have a goal. That goal is to grow my hair out and cut it off to donate it to lock's of love or a similar organization. Lately, all I've wanted to do is chop off my hair and have it short again like I did last year. I mean, I like it long, don't get me wrong... but it does get annoying when I have thick hair and a lot of it.

The reason for the title of this blog is that I will not quit my goal to help others just because I am sick of having long hair. My goal is to donate my hair so that someone with cancer can wear a wig and hope. This isn't just a me and my hair thing. This is a I want to help someone get better deal. I refuse to let this be a good idea and have it stop there. This is something important and it could change someone's life. Why would I want to prevent that?

So my hair continues to grow and I continue to remind myself that I can't quit until I know that I've truly tried. Meaning, I will not quit until my goal is accomplished and a cancer patient has a beautiful wig that makes them feel like they are healthy again. This isn't about me. It's never about me.

Giving away pieces of yourself can be such a rewarding experience. When in Mississippi, I definitely learned about never quitting until I knew I truly tried. I did not want to stop a project just because it seemed impossible or that it would take too long. One project that we did was working on a house for a family whose first home burned down. They were moving to another house in the same run down neighborhood and their family was in danger. The oldest son was going to be the first in their entire family to graduate high school. The teenage daughter was staying with an uncle who tried to rape her with three other men. My team needed to get this family back together as soon as we could. The project was scheduled for two days and at the end of the first day it looked as though we weren't going to finish the project.

The next day we set to work early at 8 am and we hit the ground running. We were scheduled to tour a movie set later that day and when I was asked about my opinion on that I said that I was not going to allow my team to leave the property until the project had been finished. I was not going to quit on this family and I was not going to let my team do that either. There was still so much trying to do! We still had a ways to go!

At the end of a 13 hour day, we finished the house and got the family all settled in their new home for the night. It was one of the most rewarding days of my life. We were able to reunite this family and get them all safely together. We repainted the entire interior of the house, gutted the kitchen, tore up the kitchen floors, replaced said floors and cleaned the whole house. It was a tremendous project, but we finished it because God gave us the strength to continue trying and to never quit. He gave us the encouragement from one another and the resources to get the projects done as well as the joy in our hearts of knowing that we were really doing something special. We were able to spread God's love and bless His people.

A final thought: don't ever quit. If your heart is fully in something, don't quit. Try until you have succeeded to the best of your ability. God gives us strength to carry on and He is the truth. With God, all things are possible and with faith you can take a chance.

When in Rome...

This May I will be journeying across the Atlantic Ocean to the beloved home of my ancestors... the Italians! I will be traveling to Italy is pursuit of journalistic truth and seriously gorgeous pictures. I am getting very excited about this trip and really want to keep up this blog so that I can write about my experiences there and to other places that I travel. For instance, I still need to make a post about the missions trip I lead to Mississippi! I will do that soon, because that was such an incredible trip.

But anyway, back to Italy! What an amazing journey! I am going through school and it is a journalism seminar. We are going to get the opportunity to interview a family member of the Amanda Knox case and cover this huge debacle. This is going to be crazy, getting to write about this huge case that has already gotten so much coverage. As I said before, I will have to keep up this blog and give updates about my new journalism skills. (I'm much more of a creative writer than a journalist, but, heck, I can deal for Italy!)

When you see an exciting opportunity like this, take it. I was slightly hesitant about going on this trip because I am not so interested in journalism. However, the more I hear about this trip and the more I think about it, the more excited I get! I am going to be going to Italy to cover this huge case and then I get to write about it. How awesome.

Because of this trip, I am also getting more into blogs and blogging. I am really doing a horrible job of keeping up with this thing. Maybe if I get off of Facebook more, I will be on this more! We shall see. I need to just keep getting things out there and I am very thrilled to share my experiences with the blogging world. Hopefully someone out there cares about what I have to say... We shall see.

Poor Characters

I am writing a novel called Ripple and it is a tribute to the famous The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. This story means a lot to me and I am getting quite attached to my characters. The problem with this is that I just had to kill someone off... and I still feel extremely guilty. I haven't killed them yet, because I feel as though that is cruel. But I know that he has to die to make the story flow as smoothly as it can. Still, he was a great character.

This was not an easy thing to do, you know. I had to strategically plan every event and every word to properly describe the event which takes place. And I found that that is hard to do when you become emotionally attached to a character. It is very hard to kill someone, I am beginning to realize.

You end up investing all this time into them and their story and then all of a sudden, they are dead in their kitchen! The kitchen that YOU yourself created! It just seems all so barbaric. Why did he have to die? Really, was it entirely necessary?

And being so attached is a little silly too! He isn't even real and I feel this horrible weight that I have done something utterly terrible to someone. I haven't even killed him yet, he is in the process of dying. J.K Rowling said it was difficult to kill Sirius and now I am finding the same problem with my own character. I didn't really believe her. Now I certainly do.

So word to the wise... If you are going to write a book and kill someone, do not get too attached. It can be devastatingly heartbreaking.